they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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