I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
