i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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