i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
