Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
