I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
