your parents love me but you hate me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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