If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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