why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
