I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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