6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
