so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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