We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
