I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
