I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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