i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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