My room smells like vodka and shame
North Korea, Best Korea!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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