toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
