totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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