I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
