Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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