Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
