Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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