I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
