life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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