Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This girl is more easily done than said...
its not stalking. its research.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
