Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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