I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
