At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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