dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
