So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
