clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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