Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
