i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
