Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
