if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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