i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
