can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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