census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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