I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
