Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
