Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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