i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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