doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
