I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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