You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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