im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
