And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The uberlube is also flammable
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize