I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
