I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
