I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
