East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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