he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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