oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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