I wish I could punch you in the face.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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