you traded sex for a burrito?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
