I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
