I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
