I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
