Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
