Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
