I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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