Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
