remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
