my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I forget how to act sober
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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