Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
