Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
