Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
